Confession

I’m really on a role here.  Not sure why but I just feel like spewing all my problems on the internet so there’s no way for me to go back to pretending everything is fine.  Hopefully it works. :)

There are so many ways to deal with stress in our lives and I’ve noticed something in mine recently.

I think the Lord has given me this crazy perspective on my own life in recent weeks where it feels as if I’m looking at myself from outside.

When things get tough, I tend to run away and pretend that there are no problems.  I’ve watched myself, over and over again use the computer as an escape from the stress of my days.

It’s pretty predictable at this point.  As soon as the crying starts or the whining about not wanting to pick up toys…as soon as I face any obstacle in training my children or tackling a big cleaning job I sit down at my computer “just to check”.  I am rarely at my computer for long periods of time but it’s in those moments that I am drawn away from my children.

I emotionally withdraw from them while I take a peek at email and that ONLY makes the whole situation worst….let me tell ya.

This is a huge confesssion here:  I look at my children lately and can tell that they are lacking attention.  They are misbehaving and acting like children who don’t have an attentive, loving mother.  It breaks my heart that MY own children are appearing to be in such a state.  How they must feel when I turn to facebook to escape from them.

I love my children so much it hurts and I can’t stand what I’m seeing lately.  I can’t stand it.  How could I have let this happened?  My own children?  My life calling is THEM.  How could I be so bent on avoiding them when all I ever KNEW I wanted to do in life was be a wife and mother?

When they are falling apart emotionally is the greatest opportunity for me to demonstrate the Father’s love and compassion.  They need me to guide them through these times….not run away because of my own fear of….I don’t know what…conflict?

It has become a bit of a habit and is probably going to be quite the task to overcome but I am so ready.

This confession is for the purpose of starting my day off right.  I want to take advantage of every opportunity to connect with the hearts of my kids, not shut off from them when they are emotionally frazzled.

I want to change this today.  I am vowing….Oh, I hope I’m ready for this…to stay off of facebook and email and blog-reading during the day when the kids are awake.  I am going to allow myself, for now, to be on the computer during rest time in the afternoons but will try to hold that losely and see if I can handle it.

God’s grace is sufficient.

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2 Responses to “Confession”

  1. You can do it!!! I’m with you in this. I have tried several times to not get on the internet when the kids are up and it is so incredibly helpful. You get soooooooooo much more done and like you said, you connect with them more. I’m glad to know that someone else is trying this…keep us posted. Love you so much dear friend!!!

  2. Staci says:

    Hi Erin,

    I totally hear you on this!!! And so funny you posted it….when I went to California last weekend I kind of had an aha moment myself regarding this exact same subject! Glad to know I am not the only one! It’s been fun reading….looks like we like a lot of the same websites! :)

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